Our job is to mess with your head

This one never fails to crack me up.

Patron: Could I get four tickets for the show tonight?

Anastasia: Sure thing. The best seats I have are in row J, seats 5, 7, 9, and 11.

Patron (confused): Oh...are those together?

Anastasia: (No, I am putting a random stranger between you and each member of your party. What the heck do you you think? If all we had left were seats that weren't together, I would have told you!!!) Yes, sir, they are odd numbered seats on the left.

Patron: Oh, gee, that's kind of confusing.

Anastasia: (Not really. They're odd numbered seats. The numbers are odd numbers, like 5, 7, 9, and 11. Odds. Evens. Ever heard of it?) I understand. But they are together.

Patron: Are you sure?

Anastasia: (nope, let me check my Odd and Even Numbers for Idiots guidebook) Yes, I am sure.

Patron: Well, if you're certain. I guess we'll take those.

Anastasia: Very well.

Sometimes, a simple no is sufficient

I walked into this one, so I am partially to blame. This guy gave me the heebies over the phone!!

Anastasia: Thank you for calling the box office, my name is Anastasia. How may I help you.

Patron: I'd like to get a ticket to tonight's dance concert.

Me: Sure thing. Are you sure you wouldn't like more than one (I ask jokingly...dance concerts never sell well)?

Patron: Well, no, I'm a single guy looking for something to do tonight. I don't have a date. I got a part time job, and I'm looking for someone I can spend time with. I've got some prospects, but you know, I'm just looking around.........Can you put a good one on hold where I won't be a bother to anyone?

Me: Um...ok. Well, we don't put seats on hold without payment, but there are plenty of seats available for this show if you wanted to purchase one at the door.

Patron: Oh, well I was going to come down there in a little while. I'm just a single guy and I was going to take the 10:35 bus and that will get me there at 11:25, so I can just come in then and get a tickets. I was going to go over to Perkins to get some pancakes, and then I was going to walk over the...what is that street called...Central...Centerville....oh Central Parkway...yeah, that street. I was going to walk over from the Perkins after I have pancakes and come across Central Parkway and get my ticket then. I'm just a single guy, clean cut, and I'm looking for someone to date, but right now I'm just single and I'm still looking for someone to share my life with.

Me: (holy TMI batman!) Sure, that would be fine.

Patron: Yes, then after I come across Central Parkway and get my ticket I was going to go to Wal-Mart because then I need to get some things from there and then I will have some lunch at the McDonalds before I go back home. Tonight I'll take the 6:45 bus back to the theatre, I'm just a single guy and I'll be coming alone, so that I will be there at 7:35. What time do the doors open?

Me: Well, we'll open the door at 7:30 (please stop talking).

Patron: Oh, well that's great. Man, I used to remember when I would go over to the State University and watch the football games. One time I saw Frankie Valli and the 4 Seasons. Oh man, they were great! I used to go watch Franki Valli sing and he's just fantastic. I remember Frankie Valli was wearing a green blazer and I would go over to the University to see them play. I wish I had had someone to go to the Frankie Valli concert. That would have been great. I'm just a single guy and trying to meet people.

Me: (oh crap, please go away). Um...Ok, we'll just come in to get your ticket when you get here.

Patron: Oh that's great. I'll come over after I get there on the 10:35 bus and after I go to the Perkins to have my pancakes....I'll walk over there across that Central Parkway. Thanks for your help and I'll see you when I get there after I take the bus at 10:35....

Me: (Oh, my God. Save me!) Ok, thank you.

The mystique of the bell

The sign on our counter reads "Ring Bell for Service," and there is a bell right in front of it. Simple concept, right? Apparently not. People will stand there, bell directly in front of them, and squeak out "Excuse me? Excuse me?" in a barely audible whisper. Excuse you for being thick, I guess. Ring the damn bell!

Then there are those people who will stand behind the other half of the counter (where there is a solid wall between the inner office and the outer counter) and clear their throat...I can't see you, genius, and if we're busy, I sure can't hear your "ahem ahems." Ring the damn bell!

But by far the worst offenders are the ones who stand there, read the sign, and proceed to make bell sounds with their voices. Uh...ring the bell, don't become the bell!!

And by the way, for those of you who can follow instructions, one ring is sufficient. Multiple rings just renders you a jackass in my book. PING! One ring! It's the genius of the bell!

P.S. Image is from www.nataliedee.com Enjoy her humor and read her panels!!

Public Service Announcement

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please?? Here's a bit of information that you may find useful.

We are open Monday-Friday, 10am until 6pm. For those of you who are bad at math, this means we have 8 hours to serve you, and 5 days worth of those 8 hours. Add it all up and we are here to serve you for 40 hours during any given regular week.

Now, all that being said, it is not necessary to call/come to our counter between 10 am and noon only. This is especially true on Mondays. Trust me...we're here in the afternoons, too. In fact, we're generally not that busy in the afternoons. Try us then. Also, don't get pissy with us when we can't take your phone call right away...we're busy! It happens! We'll call you back if you leave a message.

Get it? Got it? Good!

Rules apply to everyone!

We had a customer yesterday who tried to exchange his single tickets for another performance. Our policies only allow for exchanged on subscription packages. Apparently, trying to exchange single tickets is a common occurrence with this guy. Read on

Patron: Yes, I have tickets for the 7/20 performance and I need to exchange them to another date.

Anastasia: May I have your name please (why is it that people just call up and lay into their situation before even telling you who they are!?)?

Patron: Jack Ash*

Anastasia: Ok Mr. Ash, I see that you have only purchased tickets for this one event. Unfortunately, we don't allow exchanges on single tickets, only on subscription tickets.

Patron: What!!! No one told me this!! This is the first time I've heard this. Have you changed your policy? You need to tell people when you do this.

Anastasia: No sir, this has been our policy from the beginning. We only allow exchanges on subscription package tickets. That is the benefit of being a subscriber.

Patron: This is just crazy. I cannot accept this. Is there someone there who is over you that I can speak with?

Anastasia: I am the manager, sir.

Patron: And you condone these policies?? They're not "customer friendly," you know.

Anastasia: I am sorry you feel that way (jackass), but these are our policies and every one of our student workers is trained to relay these policies to all of our patrons.

Patron: What is your name?

Anastasia: My name is Anastasia. (What are you going to do, report me? Please. Who do you think set these policies...not me! They came from above!).

Patron (sarcastically): Thank you very much. *click*

Sooooo....I go to the comments screen to see what others have said about this man, and to add my own warning (should he get the clever idea to dispute the charge. And sidebar--that is a petty, childish way to get your way. You made a mistake--own it. Only children throw temper tantrums and get away with it). Here is what I found from LAST summer and the previous manager.

07-06-07 - tickets for XXX on BOH for pick up - paid VISA - 7/20 - 8pm - G 10-12 - quoted no refunds no exchanges--J


Oh ho ho, Mr. Ash! Methinks you're a petty liar!! Grow a conscience, weenieman! I added my own comments:

3/11/08 Patron called to try to make an exchange. Clearly, as per J's comment 7/6/07, patron has been informed that there are no refunds and no exchanges on single ticket purchases. Either he has a faulty memory or chooses not to acknowledge this policy, because he reamed me out for not allowing him to make an exchange. I explained, yet again, that we do not allow refunds or exchanges for single ticket purchase. He was a pissy bugger. Somehow, I imagine he'll be back again next year with the same song and dance.

*name has been changed. Get it? GET IT?? ;-)

What a Jack Ash

How may I help you? Yes you, caller.

Anastasia: Thank you for calling the box office. My name is Anastasia. How may I help you?

Patron: Yes, I wanted to speak with someone in the box office about getting a subscription.

Anastasia: Sure thing.

Patron: I wanted to talk to someone about pricing and seating options.

Anastasia: Yes, may I help you?

Patron: OH!! That's you!!

Anastasia: (yes, genius, that's me. Hence the greeting I gave when I answered the phone!) Yes it is.

Patron: Great! Oh, a live person!!

Anastasia: (as opposed to the last time you called, when you got our house robot ICRU (Idiot Customer Response Unit). Yeesh.)

Planning

The sign out front on our sales counter reads: "Today's matinee performance of Cabaret is SOLD OUT!"

Patron 1: Is today's performance sold out?

Anastasia: (no, you moron, we don't want anyone to come so we've said it's sold out to keep paying customers away!) Yes, it is sold out.

Patron 1: OK, thank you.

*time passes*

Patron 2: Is today's performance sold out?

Anastasia: (Does anyone know how to read anymore?) Yes, it is sold out.

Patron 2: OK, thank you.

This went on all afternoon...the sign could blink and people would still ask.



For today's performance, we took a waiting list. We have a few seats held for "in case of emergency" situations like broken chairs, mobility issues, etc. that we release 15 minutes prior to show time along with any returned seats we get from patrons. After we sold the emergency seats, people kept hanging out. I spoke up to let them know we'd given out our last seats and there were no more. The show was about to start.

Patron 1: Is there a time where you will give up the unclaimed will call seats?

Anastasia: No, sir, we cannot do that. Those seats are paid for already and in effect those patrons own those seats.

Patron 1 huffs like an impatient child.

(Hey buddy, how would you like it if those were your seats and you were stuck in traffic but we gave them up because you weren't here?? Get over it!)

Patron 2 (annoyed and twitchy): I didn't know you had to buy your seats ahead of time. I thought you could just walk up and get them.

Anastasia: Usually we have seats available for our shows, but this one sold out.

Patron 2: Well, you should advertise that better. I didn't know you had to purchase ahead of time. And I didn't know that it was assigned seating.

Anastasia: (well, now you know. Don't take it out on me because you're not prepared. Plays sell out all the time. It's a fact of life!) Yes, all of our shows are reserved seating.

Patron 2 huffs out of the lobby.

Plan ahead people!!! Plan ahead! And don't shoot the messenger!