Lost and Found

Anastasia: Thank you for calling ___. My name is Anastasia. How may I help you?

Patron (sounding very sheepish): Yes I was at your performance this past Friday and I lost...well...I lost some money. I was wondering if anyone turned in a large sum of money.

Anastasia: No, ma'am, I'm sorry, nothing has been turned in yet. How large a sum of money was it?

Patron: Well...it was quite a lot...about a thousand dollars. (holy shit lady!) I had it in a roll with a rubber band around it and tucked into my purse. There were about seven $100 bills and some other bills. I had been saving it for some time.

Anastasia: (to self) Are you out of your freaking mind!?!?!?!?! Who the hell carries around $1000 IN CASH rolled up ghetto-style with a rubber band!? Are you some kind of crack dealer? Ever heard of a bank?? (to patron) Well, nothing has been turned in but I'll take your number and check with the front of house manager. If anything is turned in I will give you a call.

Patron: OK, but if you get my machine please don't say you found money. Just ask for me and ask me to call back. I don't want my husband to know I lost this money.

Uh, yeah...what would you do if you found that kind of coin? Me, I'd turn it in, but I believe in karma coming back to bite me in the ass, and it's the right thing to do. I can't vouch for others.